Powerful conversations strike a balance between talking and listening.
Somewhere along the line, we seem to have lost that balance.
Award-winning journalist, conversation expert, and author, Celeste Headlee has 10 simple rules for bringing our conversations back into balance.
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10 things emotionally intelligent people do to create powerful conversations.
1. Don't Multitask
You need to do more than just turn off your phone.
It involves being fully present in that moment.
Don't think about yesterday or what you'll do tonight, or what you should say next.
You can either fully listen to the person or leave the conversation.
2. Don't Preach
Conversations aren't blogs where you state your opinion without comments from others.
Assume you have something to learn in every conversation.
The best way to truly listen to someone is to set yourself aside and listen as if they know something you do not.
3. Use Open-Ended Questions
Start your questions with:
- Who
- Why
- What
- When
- Where
- or How
If you ask, "were you terrified?" you will receive a one-word answer.
If you ask, "what was that like?" you will get a thoughtful, meaningful answer.
4. Go With The Flow
There will be thoughts that pop into your head; your job is to let them go.
There is no need to say everything that comes to mind, and you do not need to wait for "just the right time."
Let your thoughts come and go without judgment.
5. If You Don't Know, Say It.
This principle is straightforward.
Be very careful talking about things that you're not an expert at.
It is better to err on the side of caution.
Pretend you'll be on the record and held accountable for your words.
Don't make things up.
6. Don't Equate Your Experience With Theirs
If they talk about losing a loved one, don't talk about when your mom died.
If they're discussing their problems, don't discuss your own issues.
It is not always about you, so avoid bringing the conversation back to you.
7. Don't Repeat Yourself
Repetition is condescending and boring.
People usually do this when they have a point to make, and they say it repeatedly.
Don't do that.
It's not enjoyable for anyone.
8. Stay Out Of The Weeds
People don't care about the years, names, dates, and times you struggle to remember.
They care about you, what you're like, what you have in common, and how you feel, not every minor detail.
Leave them out; the conversation will be much more enjoyable.
9. Listen
Listening is the number one skill you can learn.
But listening is hard.
We would rather talk.
Talking is easy; we're in control and the center of attention.
It takes effort to pay attention to someone.
But if you're not, then you're not having a conversation.
10. Be Interested
Be interested in others.
Keep your mouth shut as often as you can, and keep your mind open as much as you can.
When you talk to someone, be prepared to be amazed.
They have something unique, strange, or fun about them; you just have to let them share it.
This article first appeared on Studentportals.com.ng
Source: Award-winning journalist, conversation expert, and author, Celeste Headlee
